Heartbeats

So I think this might be my last post about Nathan’s birth. It’s something I want to remember even if it’s maybe a little silly.

I don’t really like music that much. I listen to Derek Webb, and honestly, that’s about it. I do sort of enjoy other music; it’s just very rare for me to prefer music to silence. I wish I listened to music more, but when I do, I feel like I can’t think (except when listening to Derek Webb, of course). Some of the other music that I really like and wish I listened to more is music featured on one of our favorite TV shows One Tree Hill (well, seasons 1-6, anyway).

When I was pregnant, several resources I read suggested creating a playlist for your birth. I had known several mothers who had chosen special music to listen to during their births, and I thought it was a cool idea. Except for that whole not really liking music thing. I thought and thought about what I would want to listen to during such an intense, emotional time, and the only song I could imagine wanting to hear during the delivery was “Heartbeats” by Jose Gonzalez.

In the middle of season 4 of One Tree Hill, the Ravens play in the state championship game, and in many ways, this episode is the climax of the entire series up to that point. In its usual dramatic-teen-soap fashion, the basketball game was intense, what with Nathan’s point-shaving, Lucas’ heart condition, etc., etc. The Ravens win it by one point though, with Lucas making the game-winning three-point shot (the same shot that he missed at the buzzer in the previous year’s playoffs). As the song “Heartbeats” begins, the confetti falls, and everything seems like it’s going in slow motion. Lucas sees Peyton, realizes his love for her and says, “It’s you…the one I want next to me when all my dreams come true. It’s you.” After three and a half long seasons, Tree Hill was how it should be. The Ravens were state champions, and Lucas and Peyton were together.

And that’s sort of how I imagined my birth. After a long pregnancy and labor, the climax, the birth of my child. The suspense and intensity leading up to that moment, and then the relief, the happy ending. My baby would be in my arms, and everything would be right with the world.

I didn’t end up having any music play during the birth, but when I remember that moment Nathan was born, I hear “Heartbeats.” And when I see this picture from moments after his birth, I hear “Heartbeats.”