If I Should Die

As I was reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley, I came across this discussion about appropriate nighttime prayers: 

"It may surprise you to know that some traditional children's prayers may contribute to worries instead of peace, such as those that refer to death or dying.  For example, the well-known

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Such prayers can create unease or fearsome thoughts just before bed." (146)

My first reaction when I read this was to roll my eyes.  I said this prayer with my mom every night growing up, so what?  Then I remembered lying awake at night (not infrequently, I don't believe) thinking I would die in my sleep.  I still think about death and dying a lot, though I'm not sure that this is caused entirely by my childhood nightly prayer.

Here's a funny example that I remember as if it were yesterday.  My mom always told us to be really careful when we did forward rolls so that we didn't break our necks because breaking your neck can kill you.  (I'm pretty sure she didn't actually made us believe that careless forward rolls=dying, but that's how I interpreted it as a 5-year-old.)  One Saturday night, my sister and I were watching SNICK and doing rolls and other rambunctious things on my parents' king size bed while they were downstairs, watching America's Most Wanted, I'm sure.  I did a forward roll, which caused a bone in my neck to pop, which led me to believe that I had broken my neck.

Add to my irrational fear of dying from doing a forward roll the fact that I was watching Are You Afraid of the Dark? when it happened, I was sure that I was going to die that night in my sleep.  When my mom came to tuck me in, I didn't tell her what had happened because I knew that she would be mad that I had been so careless with my rolls (and I'm not so sure that we weren't breaking some other rules by playing on the bed), and I also didn't want her to be sad that I was about to die.  I was extra sweet to her that night, and I tried to keep talking to her after we said our prayers because it was the last time she would see me.  After she left, I tried to stay awake as long as I could.  I was pretty surprised in the morning when I woke up; it was a miracle! 

So, I will concede, I think there is merit in avoiding praying about dying in the night with small children when your goal is to get them to go to sleep and not lie awake in worry.  But I will say that now I am mostly thankful that I think about death so much, even though Gus hates it.