The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley

Before we had Nathan, we didn't necessarily plan on cosleeping, though I was not an anti-cosleeper either.  We lived in a small one-bedroom garage apartment, and a friend gave us a pack-and-play that fit right between our bed and the wall.  Nathan didn't really like that at all, though, and he didn't like the Snuggle Nest we bought either.  So we became cosleepers, and I'm so glad we did.  I felt like I never missed a beat with sleep deprivation, and I think it helped our breastfeeding experience as well.  The arrangement was convenient when we moved into a one-room cabin when Nathan was six months old, but I knew that one day he would need to move on to his own bed.  The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers was a great book that got us through the transition from cosleeping to independent sleep pretty easily.

Like The No-Cry Nap Solution, this book's chapters tackle different sleep issues and give you a variety of creative approaches to help you make changes that you want to make.  I think the main reason that these two No-Cry books have been so appealing to me is their lack of judgment toward different choices that are, in my opinion, a matter of preference.  She asks questions like why you want to change certain things (peer pressure is actually not the best reason to make parenting decisions), and these questions help you figure out what is important to you and what will work for your child and your family.  When you figure out what your goals are, you can customize a sleep plan using suggestions in the book based on your individual situation.

The "No-Cry" aspect of this book is a little different in this book than others since it's about older children.  I really like this quote (sorry for the length):

I'm a firm believer that babies should never be left to cry until they fall asleep  I also believe that toddlers and preschoolers should not be left for endless amounts of tears and anguish, contrary to some sleep books, which suggest doing this even to the point of vomiting.  There are hundreds of ideas for helping a child sleep better without resorting to shutting the door on him and wringing your hands while he wails for hours.  I have learned, however, that allowing an older toddler or preschooler a few minutes of fussing or moderate crying is not necessarily evil. Many loving, attached parents have put together complete and considerate sleep plans for their children and allowed a small amount of tears along the way.  Many breastfeeding-ten-time-a-night toddlers have spent some time crying while being rocked in Daddy's loving arms, while a desperately tired mother catches a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.  There is a huge difference between putting a child in a crib, shutting the door, and abandoning her to hours of crying versus creating a complete and thoughtful sleep plan that includes a loving before-bed routine and then allowing a few minutes of protest at the time the lights are turned out.  There's also a considerable difference between letting a tiny baby cry in the night and letting a four-year-old cry when he's put to bed but would rather stay up and watch a movie.  After all, when your toddler or preschooler cries for candy before dinner, or because you won't let him paint the kitchen cabinets, or because you told him not to give the dog a haircut, you don't second-guess yourself, do you?  So if your no-cry plan turns into a little-bit-of-cry plan, don't feel like you've been a failure. (33)

We had two sleep "issues" (I wouldn't call them problems) that I wanted to change over time.  When we moved to our new place with rooms, we had coslept for 18 months, and at that point, I was several months pregnant.  I knew that in six months he needed to be in his own bed in his own room.  He was also still waking about twice a night to breastfeed.  This wasn't necessarily a problem, but around 17/18 months, I noticed that it started interfering with his sleep for the first time (perhaps my supply was dropping a little because of the pregnancy?).

I didn't come up with an official plan or anything, but using suggestions throughout her book that seemed best for our situation, particularly from the weaning from breast and moving from family bed to independent sleep chapters, Nathan began sleeping on a twin bed in his own room all night within two months of beginning the transition.  When we moved, we put his bed beside ours for about three weeks or so.  Not too much changed, although he was sleeping longer stretches since it was darker and quieter in our room than at the cabin.  Gus would get him or he would climb up to our bed in the middle of the night.  He continued to want to nurse in the night, but it interfered with his sleep more and more.  Gus ended up holding him and walking him around a couple nights while he screamed during this transition.  Then we moved his bed to his room, and for about a week or so, one of us would go in his room and sleep with him the rest of the night when he woke up (anywhere between 1 and 5).

The last part happened kind of suddenly and accidentally.  I had begun rocking him to sleep when he sort of grew out of nursing to sleep, but for a few days he seemed to be growing out of rocking to sleep, too.  The oven was beeping, so I put him in the bed and told him I'd be right back.  He screamed, got out of bed, but by the time I was done with what needed to be done a few minutes later, he had already climbed back up in the bed.  I spent some time rocking him, which wasn't working again, so I put him down and left again.  After a few minutes, he fell asleep.  For a few days, he would wake up in the night around 3 or 4, but by the time I went to the bathroom and got back to his room, he usually had already fallen back asleep.  Even though I hadn't planned on having any crying, it was very minimal because of the slow transition leading up to that point.  Looking back, I'm not sure that I could have avoided the few protest cries as it seemed like he was really ready to do it on his own, and he just needed the little extra push of actually having to do it on his own. Who knows?  I'm not going to think about it too much because I know the next kid will probably be very different anyway.

I think The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers is a great book that encourages creative solutions to your individual issues.  I like that it helped me think and come up with my own plan, rather than telling me exactly how to think and what to do.  When you cosleep, you hear a lot of negative things, particularly about how hard it will be to get your child to sleep on their own (especially when they have known nothing else for 18 months!).  This book reassured me that it wasn't going to be impossible, and with a couple months of consistent work at transition, it could be done.  It worked for us.