Protocol Matters by Sandra Boswell

I also purchased Protocol Matters from one of Canon Press’ $1,2,3 sales just because it was so cheap. It is a really good introduction to etiquette and teaching etiquette to students. While parts of the book deal with creating and managing a protocol program at a Christian school, which doesn’t have any use to me at present, most of the book is helpful in learning proper protocol and its purpose and teaching it to children or young adults.

As I started reading this book, I had such mixed feelings about it. I understand why protocol matters, but it kept leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. Not at all because of the book itself, but perhaps because of bad experiences with people who care a little too much about their own and everyone else’s manners. They remind me of Pride and Prejudice’s Lady Catherine de Bourgh asking Elizabeth, “Do you know who I am?” Their moral indignation towards those who don’t call them by their proper titles and their pointing out other people’s social faults as examples to their children really get on my nerves.

Obviously, I want my children to have manners and to understand appropriate conduct in different settings. But I would rather they have bad manners out of ignorance with genuine humility than good manners with a haughty spirit. I know etiquette is an excellent way to show Christian love and deference toward others, but I just couldn’t get that bad taste out of my mouth.

That is, until I remembered an elder at our church in Columbia. He has great manners, yet they are subtle. You can tell he thinks nothing of himself for showing little courtesies; they are just second nature to him. He insists on being called by his first name, though he is at least 10 years older than my father; and yet, I respect him much more than many I call by their proper titles.

So, of him I tried to think during my reading of this book. It was a more difficult read than I anticipated; it contained many details that needed to be learned rather than just read over. I found that, though I have had no formal protocol training, I had picked up many of the rules from my parents just from watching them. Perhaps my mother corrected me some, but there was never a strictness of protocol while I was growing up. I am trying to slowly incorporate new things I learned, especially in regards to table manners, so that I can be an example to my children and teach them as well.

I found the most helpful chapter to be “Social Navigation Skills.” I’m not the best at small talk, and often I have no idea how to leave a conversation gracefully. This chapter gave me some great ideas and helped me understand the proper way to handle social situations that are oftentimes extremely awkward for me.